Class this week was wonderful we talked about parenting and how to do it.

                We talked about Popkins theory that it is a mistake to focus only on the children’s behavior (their actions only). We need to be willing to look deeper and find the source or the ‘why’ of the child’s actions and then we can help them the most. We also talked about how the best thing you can do for children is to allow them to experience the natural consequences of their actions. There are however 3 exceptions to that.

1.       If it is too dangerous. (Example: Not letting kids play in a busy street)

2.       If it is too far in the future. (Example: Not letting a child miss school completely so they learn by the time they are 30)

3.       If other people are affected. (Example: Not letting a child see what happens if they throw something at their sibling).

We talked for a moment about Maslows Hierarchy of needs which in a nutshell is if people have their needs met in a certain order then they are less likely to do bad things. We used a few examples:

1.       The child needs a sense of belonging, if they don’t have that in the home/from the parents they will seek it out in friends which can be good or bad. But ultimately they need to be taught how to contribute to society and the best place for that is in the home (usually).

2.       The child needs to feel like they have some power over their life. If they can’t feel that then they will seek it in rebellion and the controlling of other people.

3.       The child also needs to feel a sense of protection in the home. Hopkins says that we need to teach children assertiveness (the ability to confidently make change on the things of the environment) and forgiveness. Most children have a desire to master things, it comes in a child working so hard to walk, crawl and master our bodies as we grow.

The best method to teach a child something you need to be logical. It needs to make sense to them or else it becomes a punishment and can end up causing more problems than it fixes.  If we see a behavior we are concerned about we start with a polite request “Will you please…”, then you bump it up a bit with an “I” statement “When you do ______ I feel _______ because I would like_______”, finally start with a firmer statement (still not angry) but treat them like an adult and relate it to them.

The other thing we talked about was time out. Let’s face it when you ground a child sending them to their room is not the best way to do things because they are not going to do any self-reflection in their room they are just going to be angry. The best thing to do is to ‘ground’ them to you (they have to spend the day with you). By them spending time with you, you are able to help them, talk to them and teach them.

In the history of America the times that families have done the best and be the strongest is when America had a lot of farms, when families worked together to make sure that everyone survived. By having the kids work side by side with the parents they were more involved in the teaching of their children, and the children learned how to work with other people. You would think there would be more problems and anger and I have no doubt there was but there was also a special bond that was made by working side by side with other people. When money was not as important as trading of good and time.

I am not suggesting that that was a better time of life but there are some values that I think would be a good idea to bring back.